I Think My Ass is Bipolar...

Woooweee!  It's been a while y'all! 

It's not that I haven't had anything useful or brilliant to say, I've just been really busy.  Well, maybe not THAT busy.  But busy enough. 

I've managed to check a few things off of my summer "To Do" list.  I still have 723 things left but I think I'm entitled to a little break having completed, like, 2 things!  Right? 

Anyway, I've spent the last few weeks hiding in a dark corner, under a blanket, sucking my thumb.  You see, I showed my ass "Ms. Emma" in a donkey & mule show here in my home town a few weeks ago.  I was just certain that we were gonna kick some serious ass at this show!  We've worked really hard over the past few weeks and made (what I consider) some real progress.  Emma decided that she could actually trot a few circles without freaking out at random trees, rocks, butterflies, leaves, etc...  She also decided she could back up a few steps if I asked really nicely (while digging my spurs deep into the soft flesh of her belly).  We worked on trail patterns, side passing, walking over bridges and poles.  We practiced 360's and 180's, pole bending and straight away barrels.  We had heart to heart talks and a few "Come to Jesus" meetings.  We went on long, relaxing trail rides, crossed creeks and navigated gullies and washouts.  I thought we had it!  We had finally worked out some of the kinks!  But guess what?  I was WRONG! 

You know how you study really, really hard for an important test and when test day finally comes, you sit down with your freshly sharpened pencil, feeling all prepared and just a tad bit cocky and self-righteous.  Only when you look down at the test you studied so hard for...it might as well be written in Japanese?!?  And then your whole world starts to unravel.  And you say to yourself "What the hell? I studied so hard!  I knew this crap yesterday!"  Yeah, that's kinda what happens to Emma and I on show day.  Everything falls apart.  In extra slow motion.  Only we have an audience. Friends and family.  Watching.  Waiting.  Wondering.  It was like that damn donkey forgot EVERYTHING we had ever worked on!  Forget backing up or 360's!  She wouldn't even walk forward!  Spooky stuff was everywhere!  Puddles of water on the ground, shadows, bales of hay in the alley, water hoses, shadows, dirt.  And shadows.  And ceiling fans.  The ceiling fans made shadows.  Moving shadows.  The ceiling fan shadows pushed her right over the edge.  So let's just say that the whole "We're gonna kick ass at this show!" idea came to a screeching halt.  In order to kick ass at a show it is necessary to actually get your animal into the arena.  Minor detail. 

So after the first couple of attempts (and subsequent failures) to complete a class, Emma and I tucked our tails and spooked our way back to the stall.  We quit.  Cut bait.  Gave up.  Called it a day.  There is only so much humiliation a girl can take, right?

The show wasn't a complete wash though!  The kids did great! 

Garrett won reserve champion with his little donkey, Amelia.  Heather & Hannah both did awesome with their minis and big donkey, Dainti.  Dana (my stepmom) won reserve champion.  They all came home with pockets full of cash and shiny new buckles!  And I came home with renewed determination to kick my ass' ass into high gear. One of these days Emma and I will come home with a pocket full of cash and a shiny new belt buckle!  We might both be old and grey, but it will happen!  But first I need to score some donkey lithium.  And perhaps a little Valium.  For both of us.

Keep it real, y'all.